Jokes that didn't make the broadcast.

[puddingwrestler]

Just thought that Philp's inability to beat these jokes into a useable shape for the broadcast should not stand between you and them!
Here are some of the other jokes I submitted.

One:

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, faster than a locamotive, talks to GOD.
COLONEL: Clears medium rise buildigns with a run up, can keep up with a locomotive, prays a lot.
MAJOR: Jumps over Nissen huts with a run up, chases after locomotives Says 'OH GOD!' when he hits his thumb with a hammer..
CAPTAIN: Jumps over puddles in a single bound, is allowed to ride on trains Goes to church.
LIUTENANT: Jumps in puddles, says 'Look at the choo-choo', is a member of the choir.
SERGEAT MAJOR: Picks up tall buildings and walks underneath. Derails locos and pulls the train himself to make it go faster HE IS GOD!.
WHIFFER: Rewrites history so the building is never built, redesigns the locomotive to go even faster, rights GOD out of continuity!.

Two:
Why did the JMN cross the road?
He wanted to count the rivets on the Panzer parked on the other side.

Three:
How can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

Four:
Yo mama so fat, she makes a C-130 look like a CF-100!
(or, for fans of WW2 armor; Yo mama so fat, she makes a Ratte look like a Maus!)

Exits hurridly amidst hurled rotting vegetables having left a horrible taste in the mouths of one and all and a deeper sympathy for what Phil went through to organise the whiffies!

[The Rat]

How can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

I predict that this particular joke has a good chance of becoming someone's signature line somewhere!

[philp]

How can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

I predict that this particular joke has a good chance of becoming someone's signature line somewhere!

I was trying to figure out how to use this one as I liked it also but the ceremony was only so long and those acceptance speeches...

Maybe Greg will post the rest he sent me.  Or maybe I will just do it for him

[dragon]

How can you tell the difference between a JMN's library and a Whiffer's library?
The JMN has corrections in red ink. The Whiffer has alternate markings drawn on all the profiles.

I predict that this particular joke has a good chance of becoming someone's signature line somewhere!

I was trying to figure out how to use this one as I liked it also but the ceremony was only so long and those acceptance speeches...

Maybe Greg will post the rest he sent me.  Or maybe I will just do it for him

I propose that this be used as a sign on the Whiff SIG table at the next IPMS Nationals

[philp]

Hmmm, You going to make Columbus or Phoenix?

Think money is going to be too tight for me this year (got to get a better contract for next years Whiffies) but hoping to make Phoenix.  They did a heck of a show in 2004.

[philp]

Greg didn't say no so here are the others he sent me

Is that a BF-109K, or are you just happy to see me?

Now, Edsel could build REAL cars !

20 millimeter cannons? My grandmother shoots a larger gun !

Dude, I just used up a whole tube of bondo, I am sooooo wasted !

Brush painting is the Zen of modelbuilding. No really.

I brought my airbrush to the party, but no one asked me to spray.

It may be his feckin' model, but we all have to look at it.

I bought my wife spats for St. Valentine's Day. She may be pissed, but there is no mud on her ankles...at least none that I can see.

If you put a German turret on a Russian tank chassis, you get a tank that actually works. Too bad Patton was so stubborn.

TSR.2.  (that is enough of a joke)

The Danes could have conquered all of Europe, but they ran into some good kegs of beer.

Flights of fancy often involve cutting one's self with a number 11 blade.

Duct tape is not kept on the what-iffer's bench for modeling, but for keeping bits of the body attached until you can reach the hospital. Or vet.