Bulwer-Lytton prize results for 2009

[puddingwrestler]

The Bulwer-Lytton prize is, for those not in the know, awarded for the most dreadful first line of a novel. The novel does not need to be written, but it must be dreadful!
I found out about this noble prize last year, and instantly entered about fifty times (no luck yet; my awfulness has not reached perfection!). Now you can join the fun!
The Link In Question

[proditor]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I've been laughing myself sick over these fine examples of literature. 

[philp]

That was great.

Looks like I have a new endevor.