A new start?

[Leigh]

Hope things look up but I would like to say never ignore the value of professional help, I've buried too many people these past few years who wouldn't talk to someone or refused medication and ended up biting a bullet. I was close to that way myself a few years ago and I KNOW that therapy and anti-depressants saved my life. Having had my own substance abuse problems the last thing I wanted was to get addicted to "happy" pills, but a short time on S.R.I.s retrained my brain and allowed it to function properly and see joy in my life that had always been missing. I'm not a Doctor but I do know that long term depression can often be a physical problem as well as a mental one. I also know the hardest thing for guys is often to seek help.

[The Cat a.k.a Meowbag]

Hear, hear. I refused point-blank to take medication, due to, erm, substance problems, but in hindsight, I can see they may well have helped me.

I also know the hardest thing for guys is often to seek help.

Unfortunately, very true. "I'm alright, Jack."

[Eddie M.]

I'm glad you're on the road to a better place. I wanted to throw my two cents in and they may seem to conflict, but it is a catch all. Go for your dreams! I wanted to be a firefighter all my life, loved planes and the Navy. BAM, I was a firefighter on a couple of aircraft carriers and worked around jets so much it made me sick! Even to day, I'm in the aviation safety biz and a vol. firefighter to boot.
Here's the yucky part. Some dreams have a down side. Mine was developing a taste for the booze (at a very early age) and then to continue using after it became determental to me and my marriage (the marriage survived. Going on 12 years). I got some help and figured out what was good for me. Now, I torture plastic as a hobby. My point being, if your dream doesn't turn out to be what you wanted it to be, do not hesitate to refocus and head off in a new direction. Remember, when one door closes, another opens. Or, as the immortal Ozzy Osbourne once sang;
"Dreams that have shattered,
May not have mattered,
Take another point of view"

I wish you the best of luck on your journey and will keep you in my prayers,
   Eddie  

[Sisko]

Man that really sucks.

What can I add but to say hang in there man.

 

[Scooterman]

Everybody has pretty much said what I was thinking after reading your post D2.  Trust me on this, it will get better.  I've been down this road too.  And so has a lot of others here so you're not alone friend.  Take things one day at a time and it will all work out.  

[Ollie]

Don't let go Damian.

Things are always better looking above the clouds.

 

[Phnx28]

I empathize entirely D2. I'm technically still in a similar position myself, though minus the marriage and plus ongoing therapy (my first breakdown was in late '02). My family is helping out the best possible though, and I'm hoping a transfer to a new college where I have less academic baggage (previous breakdowns of mine really made their mark on my GPA... ) and can be more involved in campus culture will help. Once I've saved up enough with more hours at my job to pay for it, that is. This is the best that's happened to me this year despite being generic call-center work for the phone book publishers, since It's lasted some four months now and looks stable enough to ease the guilt of prior failed jobs on my end.
My advice: make whatever course corrections you need to or feel like, just look first. Most of my problems came from (still do in fact) the whole "stay the course" line I refused to dump until the simple unfeasability of it became plain to me this fall. Others still came from the related fact that I declared the pieces "picked up" too soon after each breakdown, thus setting myself up for another one some months later all but once or twice. Now that I've started being more honest with myself and my family/friends (mostly identical despite seeing a few old faces from high school around town recently...), things are looking not only brighter (if hazier), but also more realistically so.
Best Wishes,
Phnx28