Russian small car to take on decadant west!

[puddingwrestler]

From a press release found lining a long forgotten hatbox in the attic of Mrs. Natasha Klimov of Minsk:

"Commerades! Glorious news from пудинг автомобильный завод (PAH) just receieved. Factory is to produce small, economical car much as built by decadent western English capitalist dog Austin and Morris companies. Soviet car to be superior in styling with decorative fenders and much use of latest fibreglass and plastics.  Car to be small and easy to manouver in glorious Soviet traffic in prosprous people's cities. To be powered by small petrol engine of four stroke in innovatve cross-wise direction mounting. Sufficient power to be provided for the running of foolish capitalist three wheeled cars off the road. Car to be built in Minsk tractor factory (now renamed PAH in honour of glorious designer on new people's car) by unwed teenage mothers, daughters of glorious red army choir members."

No other details have so far surfaced on this enigmatic machine, although an extensive search of Mrs. Klimov's attic has revealed that she is also in posession of what experts have determined to be a copy of Pravda printed entirerly backwards due to a Vodka tanker overturning outside fo the printers in 1966.

[puddingwrestler]

An exhaustive search of Mrs. Klimov's attic by a team of industrial archeologists has revealed fresh press releases about the semi-mythical PAH small car:

Commerades! Once more glorious tidings of пудинг автомобильный завод recieved! New small engine for glorious people's small car is produce! Decadent western four-stroke motor salvaged from small british car shot down when try to infiltrate airspace of motherland is used as inspiration. Is compact and efficient small four stroke for to fit small car for glorious workers! Soviet version is have more power thanks to glorious people's carburettors of down-draft type and able to run on variety of fuels include petrol, jet fuel and vodka. Already order from politburro and people's army for over four-thousand example for use of low-grade officials and secretaries. (A scribbled note in the margin reads: "Dirty old men in politburro obviously hope to see up skirts of seretaries climbing from such low car." The hand writting has been identified as that of Sergei Ivanovich Pavlov, a wheel-tapper from Minsk railway station who was arrested on charges of treason and died in Siberia in 1970)

Further excavations continue, officials say they ahve found a very promising seam of back-issues of Pravda in an old fish-paste box buried deep in the back of Mrs. Klimov's attic. Oleg Gradenko, chief archeologist stated that he was confident of locating images of the mysterious vehicle very soon, along with the rest of it's strange history.

[anthonyp]

...a copy of Pravda printed entirerly backwards due to a Vodka tanker overturning outside fo the printers in 1966.

Comrade, I am surprised those editions were not more common.  KGB archives of that particular Pravda printing facility detail many such events. 

After the first wondrous overturning of the tanker, the hard workers there were known to undertake daring "Fell the Elephant" operations whenever another tanker went by the factory.  These usually involved mass mobs of workers on break running into the street, causing the tanker to usually jack knife in order to keep the driver from killing any socialist brethren.  Many brave workers were lost to the "Elephants" that failed to yield.  Such bravery and determination was usually awarded medals, posthumously.

Moscow police came to call the particular road that the tankers had to traverse the "Joyous Tiny Water Flood Parkway."

Comrade, for your industrious archeological undertaking, a tanker of vodka is on its way to your OKB, obviously avoiding any Pravda printing facilities to ensure its safe arrival!

ZA RODINA!!!

Comrade Lt. Colonel Anatoly Iosef Pakizorich, Naval Aviation Bureau

[puddingwrestler]

Further information has come to light, this time thanks to the Smolensk University Socio-Political research and dust-bin diving club! Found in a crate of old newspapers, this article comes from the Minsk Workers Daily Double Bassoon (or possibly the Minsk Daily Bugle, the borscht stains make it hard to decipher the masthead):

Soviet Scientist devlop new wonder material.
Today commerades great and joyous news come from PAH automotive team in Minsk Tractor Factory. Glorious socialist scientists there develop new light weight material for to builld cars, also for example boats, aircraft and domestic appliance (editors note: again the borscht stains are in evidence - this could possibly read 'aircraft and surgical appliances'). Is resin material such as fibre glass in type, reinforced with fibre derive from beetroots. Produce strong and light material in pleasing to eye pink colour but also able to be change colour with application of paint. PAH is annoucne new small car of which much glorious news is heard of late is to be made from material, which is named 'beetaplast'. Is hope for production to be start soon on production model. Prototype is test very successful.

Meanwhile, in Minsk, investigators have been going through the thousands of files in the Minsk tractor facroty archieves (much of which was destoyed during a power failure in 1986 when it was used as a cheap alternative fuel source), and so far have found little apart from these notes on the performance of the PAH prototype written by one of the engineers on the back of a menu for the Minsk Workers Collective Canteen (the special of the day was Borscht):

PAH perform well. Beetaplast body wery sound, have little rattle or flex and doors only pop open once when going round tight corner. Engine is reliable and produce much noise to warn glorious workers to step safely asside for passage of automobile. Perhaps need to change type of glue holding on steering column as fell off four times. No wheels come off though, is better than prototype is testing now at Vladivostock Shopping Trolley Collective Factory of which all four wheels first go in different direction, then fall off. Recommend that rethink of heater to different type is good idea as kerosene catch fire resulting in total loss of prototype, but managed to save number plates.

Research continues into this mysterious machine. Photographs of an engine have been discovered, and Oleg Grandenko, head of the investigation is currently checking if they depict the engine belonging to the PAH small car or that of another vehicle. Confirmation is expected any day now, and the images will be published as soon as we know they come from the PAH car (it has been suggested that they actually show an early model of the Moscow Hairdrier Works 'People's Make for to Look Good Style Friend' type hair drier)

[ChernayaAkula]

  Hilarious! 

[philp]

The People demand pictures.

[Geoff]

 

"Joyous Tiny Waterflood Parkway"

[puddingwrestler]

Commerades!
I have just gotten off the phone with Oleg Gradenko and it has been confirmed that he photograph his team found is infact of the prototype PAH engine! The photo was mis-labled as a 'People's Make for to Look Good Style Friend' hair dryer (one suspects another elephant raid at Pravda).
Here is the photograph. It has been cleaned up slightly from the original as the print quality was lousy.

My sources inform me that the hair dryer is actually bigger adn far more intimidating.

[Weaver]

Don't know whether this is more entertaining than infuriating or vice-versa. Lack of pictures could be used as new FSB technique for encouragement of co-operation by detainees, replacing archaic thumbscrews of KGB era, maybe?

[Ti Raven]

Well, Puddingwresteler, once again you have happened upon an article of great interest to your modeling kindred.
Your intelligence network is becoming quite legendary, sir!

Thank you for sharing this interesting bit of info. I'll be following this story, as well as the borscht allows.

~ Ti

[lancer]

Well, Puddingwresteler, once again you have happened upon an article of great interest to your modeling kindred.
Your intelligence network is becoming quite legendary, sir!

Thank you for sharing this interesting bit of info. I'll be following this story, as well as the borscht allows.

~ Ti

Don't for Lenins sake mention Borscht Comrade...You'll find yourself on al=n all expenses paid trip to that favourite of Siberian holiday resorts - The Gulags!!!

[puddingwrestler]

I am currently awaiting a courier from Minsk carrying photographs of the prototype beetaplast body along with various other photographs which have recently come to light from various sources.

[puddingwrestler]

From the archieves of the Moscow Postcard Collector's Club comes the latest information of the PAH small car, in the shape of this post card sent by Club president Ivan Gagarin to the club from Minsk during a visit in his capacity as chief printer at the Moscow Propaganda Printing Works. The post card was porduced by PAH to celebrate the conversion of the Minsk Tractor Factory to the People's Small Car, and shows the factory soon after it's original opening in the early 1930s, along with an image of the partially completed prototype body.
Incidentally, Mr. Gagarin's message read:

"Fraternal greetings from Minsk Tractor Factory, now PAH small car works! Have spent day in tour of new facility and being shown new small peoples car. Have been promised small delivery version to be porduced which will be wery good for to make small deliveries of printed material and also to transport printing personel with mobile press to remote location. Yesterday viewed Minsk Patriotic Paper Mills and Minsk People's Printing works. Both producing glorious soviet product of clear superiority to decadent western versions. Have secured blank original mint copy of card for club collection. Is limited commemorative edition of ten thousand. Za Rodina! Commerade Ivan Gagarin."

And here is the postcard in question (Mr. Gagarin's original mint copy was sold to a Japanese collector in 1998)

[Ti Raven]

Ah, the enlightenment  continues, Comrades!
I shall mention your valiant efforts to bring this information to light to my fellow CoMMiES* @ the next meeting!

A Japanese collector has the original? Hmmmmm............?
How peculiar would it be if this Japanese 'collector', is actually trying to beat the Russian version of the
PAH to market with a Capitalist made version from the Land of the Rising Sun?

Hopefully, Comrade, this will not happen!!!

~ Comrade Tanya




* Colorado Modeling Militia Enjoying SciFi, a very real & active modeling club, formerly in Colorado but now spreading world~wide.
Manifesto...

[puddingwrestler]

I already drive the nipponised version Commerade Raven; it's called a Suzuki Swift, but it did not come into being until 2004-2005, while the PAH project dates from the 1960s.