Spey_Phantom's corner of solitude

[Spey_Phantom]

Blog Entry #110


dispite having very little time to model this week, i have managed to get a few things done
i just finished some decal designs for various projects, but i have cancelled my plans for a new Sabena Airbus A320 and used the free space on the decal design to add a few more projects, including an Afghan Antonov AN-2 (someone requested decals for this, as he's building a Back Danny AN-2 over on the dutch forum and asked for my help in making decals).
on the freed up space, i made some additional future project, including for my personal F-20 Tigershark from "Ace Combat Infinity" in 1/72 scale.



i also made additional decals for some modern Area 88 aircraft (such as Shin Kazama's F-16C or Gripen, Mickey Simons F-15C maybe).
among other projects, there are also designs for a 1/144 Belgian Airbus A400M, 1/144 RAF Airbus A320 C.1, Turkish F-15T Strike Eagle,....


in terms of physical builds, the 1/144 MIG-31 is nearing completion, i just need to add weapons and decals.
im also making progress again on the 2 1/72 SeaKings, with the interiour of the first one almost done.

this week im gonna look at freeing up some shelf space, as im running out of space for 1/72 builds and the larger 1/144 models.
im also gonna start doing some stash sorting again this week, maybe even fill another box for attic storage (gotta remember to set some mouse/rat poison near those boxes, as i heared there might be rodents up there).

in terms of job hunting, its been quite a busy week, monday i had to have an interview to work in a new pottery factory (witch was a complete and total bust and i didnt agree with the reason for rejection, being more experienced in operating machinery then with hands-on work)
on teusday i had a meeting with my employment consultant, wednesday i had an interview for a CNC machine operator at a former employer and thursday i had a job interview at a factory that makes frozen meals.
so yes, there is some progress in terms of jobhunting, 1 was a bust, 2nd one will be a fail 9 out of 10 times and the third one is a slim chance (i used to work there as an intern 5 years ago for a few random days, until i started my CNC re-education course). but seeing as there were 40 applicants for 3 openings, the odds dont look that good.

but im hanging in there, and hope to have more succes as i hope to find something in the (hopefully near) future. its been 2 years that im stuck at home unemployed, and its very hard to find work when most companies in this age of economic crisis are either going bankrupt, hiring cheap eastern-european workforces or are moving to low-cost countries in the east 
these days finding a job is like looking for a needle in a haystack


more soon......

[NARSES2]

Keep at it Nils, you'll get something eventually

[Captain Canada]

Ya it's a mixed up world out there Nils. In another few decades there will be nothing but rich people and unemployed people. Oh, and another world war.....

But politics aside, keep at 'er, I'm sure somat will come up !

Glad to hear the Sea Kings are moving. Funny you brought up Ace Combat. I used to love those games and was just thinking about getting back in to it !

[Zombolt]

Blog Entry #110



on the freed up space, i made some additional future project, including for my personal F-20 Tigershark from "Ace Combat Infinity" in 1/72 scale.

I play a bit of ACI(Running free) If you want tot play sometime, it be nice to play with people not from ES every so when.

[Spey_Phantom]

Blog Entry #111


since i  wont be available for the next 2 weekends, im gonna post my blog updates a bit earlier.

a bit of progress on the bench these past few days, the 1/144 Mig-31 has been put on the side for a while, as im not in the mood to finish it right now. a have started work on a new 1/72 model for the Floaty/Ship/Naval GB over on BTS.
the project is an old Revell 1/72 Beriev Be-6 "Madge" kit, to be built in a Luftwaffe'46 scheme as a Blohm & Voss BV.240 flying boat (as a replacement for the Do-18 and He-115). i was originaly thinking of making a French Navy DHC-6 twin Otter, but i wanted to go a bit bigger.
i have other plans for the twin otter in the future.

as for what i have on the drawing board, as soon as the decals are printed out, im gonna start on a 1/144 F/A-18C in managuan markings.
i also have 4 1/144 Revell Hawker Typhoons on the side to be used to refurbish an old minicraft Lancaster, mostly for its props and engines.

another Luft'46 project in the development stage is a civilian one for a change. looking at the Hobbycraft 1/48 Ar234 i got some time ago, im thining of converting it into a 1/72 jet airliner in lufthansa markings. i just need redesign the nose/cockpit section, otherwise conversion wont be that hard, new shorter landing gear, drilling out windows, replacing the 2 1/48 engines with 4 1/72 versions (from scrapped 1/72 Me262's, needs little modification) cut out a door,......

there are also various other projects in the thinktank, but i havent yet figured out the details.
some of them include 1/144 F/A-18F Super Hornets in various markings, Chinese Su-47's, Netherlands Navy E-2C hawkeye.....
there's also a number or RW 1/144 projects in line, including various F-16's and Su-27/35/30 Flankers.
in 1/72, there is still the Russian Tucano COIN aircraft, Mig-37's and various Russian and Western aircraft/helicopters.


more soon............

[Captain Canada]

Be interesting to see what you end up doing with the Twotter.

[Spey_Phantom]

Blog Entry #112


Another early blogpost since i wont have time to post one tomorrow.

the bench was moving very slowly the past week. the 1/72 BV.240 was progressing slowly, the main assemblies were done last week and today, the wings recieved a first layer of underwing grey paint.
no progress on the 1/144 models, but i might look at finishing them some time next week.

for the past few days ive been doing mostly research, i didnt have much time to get things done, so no progress on the naval builds or the SeaKings. after revisiting the Wunderwaffen comic books and the Luft'46 books, ive been thinking of building some 1946 related goods.
im thinking of the Blohm & Voss P.194's (2 in the stash) as Ju-87 repacements, one in luftwaffe markings OOB and the second one im thinking in Italian colors. am also looking into building a ground attack version of the FW Flitzer (with a MK114 cannon offset under the fuselage) but i cant seem to find any images of the MK114 cannon. a carrier-based version is also on the drawing board.

im also revisiting the idea of a 1/72 Messerschmitt P.1099 (Me.362) in IJN markings as a carrier based torpedo bomber.
and lets not forget allied aircraft, such as the USAAF P-84A Thunderjet, P-86 Sabre and DeHavilland Vampires  
there's also a lot coming in 1/144 modern equipment.

the next few days there will be little to no activity due to the Valentines weekend. i wont be online because me and my girlfriend are spending the weekend at the seaside  
should be back on monday afternoon.

in terms of jobhunting, nothing new except the same old rejections.
today, i applied for a job as a handyman at a hotel, the hours are OK, pay is decent, but there are a few legal/union issues that are making me concider rejecting the job (issues, regarding working on holidays, no double pay for working on sundays ans holidays, witch the law states i should have). its also a 6-day (40+ hour) week, it would be to much of a burden on my social life and my relationship.
im holding on, but i hope to find something soon, as i just dont know how much more i can take in terms of rejection and lack of job openings!

[Captain Canada]

Not too many jobs out there that aren't 40+ hours a week these days.....and then some ! I'd say go for it, but the legal issues might be a sticking point.

The '46 Allied stuff sounds interesting, but it would be nice if you'd get those Sea Kings going. Aren't there any deadlines on your commission ?

[NARSES2]

Yup sometimes it's better to take a job when you've been out of work for a long time so you get used to working again. Also prospective employers can look more kindly on you.

However people should not use the current European employment situation to break the law or expect you to help them in doing so.

Best of luck anyway and have a cracking weekend 

[Spey_Phantom]

Blog Entry #113


very little progress on the bench this past week, the BV.240 got its primer on, no progress on any of the other projects.
the 1/144 Mig-31 is still on hold, the Seakings have seen very little attention this past week, and there are various reasons.

first off, my girlfriend was staying over till monday, coming back from our valentines weekend at the seaside.
second, i havent been feeling very well the past few days, being stuck at home with a nasty cold  

a fair warning, the next part of this entry might get a bit dark  


i have not been feeling like myself these past few days, one thing was the cold i have for the past few days, second is the innability to find a job. as i have said before, its been 2 years i have been stuck at home, and things are not getting any better, in fact, they only are getting worse.

today i have recieved a phonecall from my counceler, stating that i might be getting into problems if i dont find something soon, i might even lose my benefits, and thats all i have left now (even though i dont like it).
i am in a dark place right now, and im scared, its like how hard i try, its never hard enough. no matter what i do, its never good enough.
the last few days i have been alone with my thoughts, im starting to have a feeling of worthlessness, under-apreciation, no one to talk to.
im starting to think that the people who are supposed to help me out of this mess are turning against me, over the past few sessions with my unemployment consultants, i have a feeling that they are not listening to me, are not reading my file and are not paying any attention to my skills. they keep offering me these job aplications for work im not qualified to do or dont have the knowledge to do. i feel like my other tallents are being ignored. i get a feeling like the whole world is against me.

there was a time that i saw my future was bright, now i wonder if i even have a future, because everytime i get somewhere in my life, there are always people to break me down and ruin my future plans, im to affraid to dream anymore!
luckily i have my girlfriend who i can talk to, at least she is the only one who listens.

i had that same feeling 1.5 years ago, before christmas, where i just couldnt take it anymore, where something inside me snapped.
now im getting that horrible feeling again, and im affraid im not only gonna hurt myself, but also the ones i care about.


im sorry you had to read this, just needed to get this off my chest!
im really hoping thing will get better soon, or i might have to bring out the big guns and force them go give me the jobs i want!

if the whole world is against me, then its me against the whole world, come at me!!!


more soon........

[NARSES2]

Nils. Make an appointment and see your doctor. Don't just let it creep up on you. I speak from experience, a long, long time ago, but I was somewhere near where you are. Maybe not as down but I was getting there.

Chris

[Spey_Phantom]

thanks for the advise Narses, im gonna do exactly that.

this morning things got a whole lot worse, i felt like i really hit rock bottom and had a nervous breakdown, so im planning to make an appointment at a psychologists office on monday.
im not gonna be online much for the next few days, as i still need to puzzle myself back together.

[DogfighterZen]

Hey there, hope you're feeling better. Don't know if you have any idea of the work situation in Portugal but i can tell you, it's bad. Before i found my current job, i was also unemployed for almost 2 years, i was about to lose my benefits, living with my parents at their house, had to sell my car and on top of that, my girlfriend dumped me... I was about to crack when the social security sent me a bill of 660€ to pay and my unemployed benefits were 350... All i had going, very slowly btw, was my band. And even that was in danger cause i didn't have money to pay for the rehearsal room's rent.  A few days after that, i had an offer to work at an hostel, being the receptionist of a building with 10 rooms, 4 beds each, but also, i had to clean up the rooms, making beds and everything else that a house maid does... While attending to the front desk as i was alone.
It wasn't my dream job but i had to do something and i needed the money as food was becoming an issue at home. I worked for 9 and a half hours a day, 7 days a week and the pay was 650€. I had to stop band activity for a few months till i got organized again, no partying, as the hours were crap and i got home too beat. I know that we shouldn't cope with exploitation from employers but when you don't have food on the table at the end of the day, you have to do something. I'm not saying that you have to be a slave but, sometimes we have to swallow our pride and move on, even if means putting some stuff on hold. Maybe you should try to find some temporary job and keep looking for a job that you'd really like to do. At least, it'll give you something to keep going. I have a lot of friends that are on a similar situation right now but i've seen some of them refusing job offers just because it's not what they studied for, or just don't like the job because, being a gardener is not a glamorous position in society. I see people leaving the country looking for dreams and that is ok with me, but some of them return after only weeks saying that it's not as they expected. Life can be a bitch but we have to kick it in the head and get it going where we want to. Even if it's at a slow speed and through a different road... 
I'm no doctor or a wise man, and it is different for everyone but just don't lose hope and get out of your house as much you can. Locking yourself up won't help. I've found my bmx bike to be one of the best things to clear my mind for a while. Maybe, if you can, try to do some kind of activity where you have to be outside to do it.
I'm sure things will get better for you, it can't rain all the time...

[Go4fun]

Nils, I have been down that path myself more than once.
Believe me, there are people out there more than willing to help you any way they can from talking on the phone or in person to seeing if there is an underlying physical cause.
It took me many years of trial and error(With a lot of help) to defeat the chemical imbalance in my brain that caused my problem, with the right medication. Just remember there is no more shame in emotional imbalances than there is in any other disease or condition. It's a medical condition and can hopefully be overcome with proper treatment.
I'll say a special prayer for you my friend.

[Spey_Phantom]

thank you all for the good advice,

im feeling a bit better now, except for a stingy feeling in my chest (witch is normal in a depression).
my brother has given me the advice to visit the CGG (Center for psychological Healthcare), im gonna give them a call tomorrow morning (as they are closed over the weekend) to get information into treatment, witch im hoping to start as soon as possible.
with my unemployment problem and uncertein financial status, its the best and cheapest option into healthcare (only costs about 4 euro's a session, the rest is payed my my health insurance).

Go4Fun, thanks for the advice (and offering phonenumber), but calling to the United States from Belgium is very expensive, but thank you for offering to help.