A quick update to the Whiffie 2023 awards procedure

[Wardukw]

Looking forward to it Tom ...I have my coveralls all cleaned and pressed ..my flip flops are painted now to match my coveralls so they won't clash with my yellow socks.
Even gave my elephant a wash and he'll be there ..will also bring a skid steer loader and dump truck..no particular reason there 
If you'd like I'll bring my famous or infamous..depending who you talk to..sheep's foot stew..it goes down well ..or it doesn't..depending on who you talk to.

I have been a member of this group for neigh on 20 years.  If you are allowed an elephant and sheeps foot stew when I have been told I may not bring the alpaca I am caring for and a sandwich I shall quit the group in protest Sir.  Also please observe Rule 42 from 2009.  Any elephants in attendance at group events MUST wear a pewter bell.  NO EXCEPTIONS!!

Pewter !!! Freaking pewter..my elephants bell is pure titanium with a 22 🥕 gold inlay..if I put pewter on him he would look at me in that way elephants look at ppl which I find very uncomfortable .
I will fold slightly and I will not be offended if the offer of sheep's foot stew is rejected...even tho Clyde won't be impressed..he quite enjoys it with these little bread rolls he buys..Clyde is my elephant by the way and he is easily offended .

You are relatively new here so I will explain.  After the silver and gold elephant necklace debacle of 2005 it was determined ONLY pewter would be allowed.  I mean this in the best possible terms, but unless you were there you cannot comprehend how bad things went back then. Several cans of Spam were rendered totally unusable and a goat had a lifelong limp.  After that we agreed...Never Again.  Please understand.

Clyde is going to be very very unhappy and like a working you do not want to make one angry .
I do have one idea which might work and if it does think of the spam which will be saved ..can't do jack about the goat tho..sorry...but that's on your heads.
I can try painting the bell in a titanium colour and I'll have to machine the bell to make it lighter so Clyde thinks it's the same as normal.
If that works then the wookie ..i mean elephant will be happy and all your guys safe ..myself included.
Good news tho..Clyde does not like spam at all 

[zenrat]

I may bring my elephant gun.  Just in case.  After all you never know...

...when you may have to put a stew out of its (and everybody else's) misery.

 

[Rheged]

I have no objections to the elephant in the room, as long as it is properly dressed.  The Sheffield phrase "done up like Tommy Ward's elephant" is appropriate here    https://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/history/making_history/makhist10_prog13d.shtml    and  https://www.sheffield.ac.uk/news/nr/lizzie-elephant-sheffield-steel-industry-1.588712

Might I politely remind delegates that weapons of any kind  including but not limited to umbrellas, stilettos (unless worn as footwear), Kalashnikovs,  Challenger tanks,  cudgels,  claymores (sword or mine) sundry pieces of ordnance or halberds  are no longer permitted in the hall after the unfortunate incident some years ago when an inconsiderately brandished Lee Enfield rifle necessitated considerable repairs to an usher's truss and  caused embarrassment and consternation amongst the waitresses.

In the case of culinary mishaps............

I may bring my elephant gun.  Just in case.  After all you never know...

...when you may have to put a stew out of its (and everybody else's) misery.

.............the Royal Logistical Corps have kindly agreed to the attendance at the ceremony of one of their Explosive  Ordnance Disposal teams

Please ensure that you take your belongings with you at the end of the event. Sterling work by the lost property staff in the last 6 months has resulted in their store now being empty apart from a single wooden leg (right leg) and the front nearside wing of a 1956 Austin A40 Somerset motor vehicle (light blue in colour).

[TomZ]

Gentlemen,

The Academy has, after strenuous deliberation, decided that, since some of the members definitely qualify as dinosaurs, the bringing of elephants can be allowed.
We will insist however that they can only attend when wearing pink body paint in order not to confuse people who will see pink elephants anyway after the intake of their daily alcohol allowances





The Academy

TomZ

[NARSES2]

I've seen pink elephants in Kenya. The mud in the Masai Mara was so red that once they'd finished rolling in it they'd turned pink 

[Wardukw]

Luckily Clyde is like me ..being 3/4 colour blind as pink is the only colour which makes me want to puke we should be OK there ..I hope 
As for the sheep's foot stew it does come with a consumption warning which reads...
WARNING!!! ..this food should be consumed only with a right hand spoon of 1sq inch in size..this guarantees only small amounts can be consumed at a time..do not eat under direct sunlight..this is unknown as to why...do not eat past ten (10)pm ...explosive diarrhea can result also do not consume when drinking coffee..whiskey..rum..champagne...red or white wines ..vodka and most importantly chocolate milk.
Only serve in a bowl the equivalent in size of a standard coffee cup with the sheep's foot placed to the left on a small plate..ALWAYS TO THE LEFT!..this should never be forgotten as explosive diarrhea can result.
Other wise please enjoy your meal.
Bread rolls are mandatory..they keep Clyde happy.

I did notice about the weapons list that handguns aren't mentioned as I do have a very nice H&K MK23 with goes perfectly with my coveralls and it really complete the overall look.

[TomZ]

I've seen pink elephants in Kenya. The mud in the Masai Mara was so red that once they'd finished rolling in it they'd turned pink 

I've seen pink elephants too. Didn't have to go all the way to Africa. Just down to the local pub is enough. Just a few of the beers depicted in my bottom pic are enough.........

TomZ

[TomZ]

....explosive diarrhea can result also do not consume when drinking coffee..whiskey..rum..champagne...red or white wines ..vodka and most importantly chocolate milk.

No stew for me then.
My whisky for the evening is already chosen: Dalmore King Alexander III.

I'll try not to drink too much before I posted all the results though,

TomZ

[Wardukw]

....explosive diarrhea can result also do not consume when drinking coffee..whiskey..rum..champagne...red or white wines ..vodka and most importantly chocolate milk.

No stew for me then.
My whisky for the evening is already chosen: Dalmore King Alexander III.

I'll try not to drink too much before I posted all the results though,

TomZ

Hell Tom I won't be eating either..I need my coffee ☕ and chocolate milk 

[rickshaw]

ENOUGH!

As a member of long standing in this forum stop the silly bickering.  It is not becoming for it occur.

We have rules for a reason.  They are designed to stop recurrences of past mistakes.  They are designed to save us from future embarrassments.  We must obey them.  No weapons, no pets, no animals that aren't pets, no slinky costumes designed to embarrass each other.  We are civilised people and true gentlemen.   Act like it!   

If you must bring a tank, park it at the door, understand?   

[zenrat]

My slinky costume is designed to embarrass only me, and I resent your accusation of civilisation.

[TomZ]

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

I urge you all to practice restraint in your comments here but also in your choice of attire and pets.

For the attire, please remember that you will have to cross the blue carpet (what-if the red carpet was blue....) in your chosen attire and all the world will be able to see the pictures afterwards.

Where the pets are concerned, I am sure all your pets are perfectly behaved and will cause no damage at all.
And if they do get a little bit over-excited, I am sure my own dear Trixi will be able to keep the peace


Your preferred armaments are all very welcome as I am sure that everyone carrying arms will only increase the safety of the event. If for any reason thing get out of hand the academy's enforcer Sugar will be sure to put an end to it.

Just let us know if you need any special parking facilities to accommodate your rides.


The academy is looking forward very much to tomorrow's event and hopes to see you all in your undoubtedly very appropriate clothing and with any of year dear, dear pets.

The Academy


TomZ

[PR19_Kit]

Might I politely remind delegates that weapons of any kind  including but not limited to umbrellas, stilettos (unless worn as footwear), Kalashnikovs,  Challenger tanks,  cudgels,  claymores (sword or mine) sundry pieces of ordnance or halberds  are no longer permitted in the hall.......

Sir, surely you are aware that no English Gentleman would be seen afoot without his umbrella!

I beg you to reconsider such a ruling and to reclassify umbrellas as 'essential equipment.'

[Rheged]

Might I politely remind delegates that weapons of any kind  including but not limited to umbrellas, stilettos (unless worn as footwear), Kalashnikovs,  Challenger tanks,  cudgels,  claymores (sword or mine) sundry pieces of ordnance or halberds  are no longer permitted in the hall.......

Sir, surely you are aware that no English Gentleman would be seen afoot without his umbrella!

I beg you to reconsider such a ruling and to reclassify umbrellas as 'essential equipment.'

I am certainly prepared to countenance a gentleman's black umbrella ,   but having recently  had three close and potentially sight-destroying encounters with ladies wielding  their umbrellas in what can only be defined as an aggressive manner  you will appreciate my concern.   John Steed's umbrella is of course  permissible.       

[PR19_Kit]

Might I politely remind delegates that weapons of any kind  including but not limited to umbrellas, stilettos (unless worn as footwear), Kalashnikovs,  Challenger tanks,  cudgels,  claymores (sword or mine) sundry pieces of ordnance or halberds  are no longer permitted in the hall.......

Sir, surely you are aware that no English Gentleman would be seen afoot without his umbrella!

I beg you to reconsider such a ruling and to reclassify umbrellas as 'essential equipment.'

I am certainly prepared to countenance a gentleman's black umbrella ,   but having recently  had three close and potentially sight-destroying encounters with ladies wielding  their umbrellas in what can only be defined as an aggressive manner  you will appreciate my concern.   John Steed's umbrella is of course  permissible. 
     

The significant word in your above statement is 'ladies'......

The female of the species seem to have no inherent knowledge of the lethality of umbrellas and similarly shaped devices, whereas a true gentleman has been taught this since birth.